Life with Kids and Traveling with them too!

Well, Helloooooo blogging world!  Yup, it’s been a while.  What can I say?  “I’ve been busy!”

When I started this blog a few years ago, the whole intent was to share my life, my kids, my family with all of you who may be going through some of the same experiences.    And than I stopped.  I took a break because life gets really hectic and busy for me at times, but another reason I stopped blogging was because it’s a very bloggy world out there!  Everyone seems to have a blog about their life, their family, their crafts, etc. etc.  I realize I viewed it as an easy way out….a sort of, “Everyone else is doing it, so why should I?”.  It wasn’t until a gal pal said to me one day, “I used to really enjoy reading your stories and looked forward to them.  Why don’t you do them anymore?”  When I tried to use my answer of, “everybody’s doing it”, well, she wasn’t buying it.  Somehow it hit a chord with me.  It also didn’t help that right before our conversation I read my Gemini horoscope and it mentioned that “We Geminis have a bad habit of starting things & never finishing, always moving on to the next thing, never staying focused long enough on anything.”  “Could this be true?”   Hmmm….I do still have some unfinished rooms in my house. (I can’t help I change my mind on colors all the time!)  I do still have years and years of my “doodles” that I envisioned one day selling with my own virtual children’s art gallery. (This will happen one day!)   I do still have all of that jewelery making stuff from the time I thought I could whip myself up some jewelry!   (Than I realized how very tedious and expensive it could be…and realized I like buying it instead).  I did only take 2 classes for my Master’s Degree.  (I decided I really didn’t like school after all).  I do have two drawers full of ribbons from my hair bow making craze.  (This is what happens when you have a girl with hair down to her bum!  Than she cut it all off…..)  I do still have all those unfinished “novels” that I one day dream of publishing.  (Still a dream, just haven’t acted on it yet).  There is that time I woke up from a dream and decided I wanted to be a nurse. (Than I realized what a weak stomach I have and how I can’t stand the sight of bodily fluids.)  Than there’s the time I thought I wanted to be a teacher. (I volunteered for Kindergarten…need I say more?).   Okay, I get the picture!  I tend to be very indecisive, trying new things all the time, and not always finishing things!

But, that’s gonna change.  Here I am blogging again. :)  And my years’ collection of doodle art…well, I took some photos of them, and will one day (in the near future) have an etsy shop where I post them for sale!  My unfinished rooms…well, my house will always be a work in progress…isn’t everyone’s?  As for my novels, they will happen one day.  It might not be until my kids are grown and I’m retired…but it’ll happen.  And all my ribbons/hairbows?  I’m actually making 50 bows for a friend as we speak!  (Just an fyi - she doesn’t need 50, but wanted her daughter’s school colors and will sell them for me at school.)

So, I can be very wishy-washy at times, okay, frequently.  But that’s what makes me, “me.” :)  My mind is always working…even when I’m sleeping.  I have some really crazy ideas sometimes (My hubby can attest to this!), but I think it’s what also makes me laughable (especially to my family).   Otherwise guys, let’s face it, I would be just a boring CPA.  C’mon…you all think of CPA’s as boring…admit it. Still not sure how I ended up in that field, it’s the Gemini thing, I’m sure.  I’m two sided, definitely.  I have the “wishy-washy” me, and the “technical - serious” me.  So, now that we know about me…. how many sides do you have?

Happy end of summer to you all!  (Here’s on of my fav pics from this summer!)

Stephanie

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My other half (my better half) is gone right now.  He’s been gone a total of 3 days & it feels like 3 weeks.  If you had asked me last week if I feel I take my hubby for granted, I would have very positively said, “No way.  I thank God for him everyday”.  The thanking God for him & our kids everyday - is definitely the truth.  The not taking for granted part…not so sure now.  We tend to be equal partners in our relationship. (okay, it’s not always equal, but we try).  That is to say, we share most duties equally.  There are some duties that we silently agree the other will handle.   For example - any house repairs (my hubby handles) and the finances (I handle).  I know our relationship is not like everyone else’s.  It’s not uncommon to see my hubby shopping for the groceries, doing the laundry, or even doing my daughter’s hair.  Yes, part of that is because he truly is just a wonderful, selfless man.  The other part would be because we truly do try to share all of our responsibilities.  It works for us.  The true awakening has been now that he has been gone.  He’s been gone before and we always manage.  I guess the difference is this time that my plate is no longer just full, but now the piles are falling over, and I’ve added a salad dish.  It didn’t hit me all at once how much I “under-appreciate” all that my hubby does.  It’s showed here and there with little, everyday things.  Like when I emptied our full trash can and left the trash in the garage to throw outside.  When my kids & I left this morning our garage had a not so pleasant smell and I suddenly realized, “I guess I am supposed to throw the trash away.”  Apparently, no “trash god” lives in my nieghborhood.  It was than I realized how my hubby always does that for us and I’ve never even given it a second thought.  Then on Saturday morning when my kids said they wanted blueberry pancakes for breakfast - I thought, no problem, only to realize that after I had made them, we had no syrup!  Usually, I make a list of needed items on our handy refrigerator pad and my hubby takes care of the rest.  Apparently, I don’t have a “last minute grocery runner god “either.  The big eye opener came last night as I was awakened at 2:30 by my 2 year old who had a “major” accident while he was sleeping.  (And by major, I don’t mean pee…you get my drift).  To make matters worse, my 2 year old tried to clean up all by himself (bless his heart).  So, I had twice the amount of mess to clean up as I probably would have had.  The big revelation in this ordeal is not that I had to get up and clean at 2 a.m..  (Although it’s very likely my hubby would have jumped out of bed right away.)  It was the fact that I have a very weak stomach, so I was dry heaving the entire time I was cleaning up.  As you can guess, my hubby handles most of the bodily fluid incidents in our home.  Apparently, I don’t have a “clean up the bodily fluids god” either.  Anyhow, as I was scrubbing away my son’s carpets at the wee hours in the morning it dawned on me that I absolutely do take my hubby for granted.  Not for sharing the duties with me equally.  I am well aware he does all those things without ever complaining.  But for all the other things he does for me and our family that I never even give a second thought to.  Throwing the trash I leave in the garage, buying groceries on my list, and cleaning up bodily fluids are just a few of them, I’m sure.  Than I realized, I do have a “trash god”, a “grocery runner god”, and a “bodily fluid god” - they are my husband.  I made a mental note to be sure and thank my hubby not only for eveyrthing he does for us that we “know” about, but for all those things that we may not know about.  Here’s a reminder to all of you not to take for granted all the blessings (and gods) in your life.

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I was working in the corporate world before I had my daughter. I had received 2 promotions and was on my way to receive my 3^rd when I decided that upon the birth of my first child, I wanted to stay home. It wasn’t difficult leaving the “grown-up, corporate” world for the “mommy world”. I remember the first few months while my daughter slept most of the day, I found myself enjoying the time I had to watch Oprah, Dr. Phil and Judge Judy. I remember thinking, “This is what it feels like to stay at home! This is great!” I adjusted easily into my new role. Occasionally, when I would have lunch with former colleagues or talk with them on the phone, I had a little tug inside of me that wondered if I my career was passing me by, while I watched Elmo videos and sorted the laundry. But, one look at my daughter’s face and I would tell myself, it didn’t matter. How many mothers wished they had the choice to stay at home? I knew of many and knew that I was lucky. When my daughter was about 5 months old, a former client called me. He wondered if I would consider doing his work again. It didn’t take me long to say yes (about 10 seconds). I must have hit the jackpot!! I was getting to stay home with my baby, while earning some extra money at the same time! Sounded like heaven! Six years later and another child later, my “making some extra money” has turned into my own, “official” practice. No longer just working from home, I now have an office outside the home and even a few employees. It has been and continues to be a never-ending struggle between my “mommy” brain and my “career” brain. I never planned on this, and probably never dreamed of this. It’s very obvious to me now that this was not a well thought out plan, as I pay the consequences for my bad decisions frequently. One major flaw was charging clients significantly less than others in my field for my services. I justified this by telling myself because I worked from home and was a “mommy”, it somehow justified me charging less than others in my profession. It has taken me many years (and countless conversations with my hubby) to finally realize that my services are just as valuable as Mr. Joe Blow who works in the fancy office with the fancy suit and the fancy car. Another flaw, was making myself available to my clients all day, every day. Not a good idea, particularly, when you have two children, a husband, and a second business. Having actual office hours now has been a difficult concept for my clients to grasp. Did I mention before this wasn’t a well, thought out plan? My biggest dilemma has been juggling my two worlds – my “mommy-world” and my “career-world”. It is not with out a lot of effort, guilt, exhaustion, and stress that I somehow manage to make it through my days. January through April are the busiest times in my profession, so it is well suiting that during this time I have encountered my biggest struggle. Recently while driving my daughter to school she very nonchalantly said to me, “Mommy, when I grow up I am not going to do what you do because I don’t want to have to work so much.” There was an immediate stabbing pain in my heart. This must be what a heart attack feels like I thought to myself. I fought back the tears as I contemplated what she had just said to me. My mommy brain interpreted it this way: “Mommy, you are not spending enough time with me. Mommy, I miss you because you are always working. Mommy, why are you choosing work over me?” Once I dropped her off, the tears flowed easily. What was I doing? My family was the most important thing in my life. Was it so terrible for me to want to have a career too? Hadn’t I devoted the last 4 -5 years entirely to them? Nevertheless, the tears flowed. I caved into the guilt. Burdened with the feeling that I was the most selfish and horrible mother in the world, I gave into the guilt. I was torn between two different worlds. I should be ecstatic that I was now the owner of my own practice. A practice that was somehow doing well, despite my “flaws” in developing it. However, I yearned to be there more for my kids. My husband reminded me that I was doing both and I was doing them quite well. In his words, “You just volunteered in our daughter’s Kindergarten class, you took our son to the park for a play date, you just made 12 shamrock bags for the Girl Scouts, and you are working seven days a week…you are doing an amazing job.” I wanted to believe what he said was true, but a little voice inside of me said, “You could do more. And he‘s your husband, he‘s supposed to tell you nice things..“ Again, I covered myself in a blanket of guilt. In my very “rare” spare time, I managed to read a book. There was a line in the book that stuck with me. A character in the book was torn between two worlds (ironic, I know) and her husband said to her, “It’s all about balance, love.” Suddenly, my life was all about balance. Like a pendulum, trying not to swing too far to the left or too far to the right. Trying to stay in balance. That’s the hard part. As I gave my son kisses this morning and said goodbye to the babysitter, I saw the joy in my son’s face as my babysitter took him for a ride in his bike. I ignored the thoughts inside me that said, “That should be me giving him a ride.” I hurried off to my meeting. It was time to get my “career-brain” in motion. As I arrived just in time for my appointment, my client smiled and said, “How are you?”. I had the sudden urge to shout out and say, “I was up until midnight working on your stuff, than my son got up twice last night, so I didn’t get much sleep. My babysitter was late, which almost made me late. I still have glue on my fingers from working on yesterday’s craft with my daughter and I was frantically trying to clean the peanut butter off my pants just before I walked into your office. That’s how I’m doing today!” I realized, this probably wasn’t the best answer, so I politely answered, “I’m doing okay.” I quietly reminded myself, “It’s all about balance, love.” Soon, I was knee deep in talk about capital gains and losses. It’s a good day when I don’t have somebody wanting something from me or someone upset because I’m not doing their stuff fast enough. It’s a good day when I don’t have a knot in my stomach because I feel like I’ve missed something in my children’s day. It’s a good day when the mommy guilt keeps itself at bay. It’s a GREAT DAY when I’ve managed to keep it all in balance. After all, it’s all about balance, love.

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 We started our holiday Hustle and Bustle with our 2nd “Happy Birthday Jesus Party” (a tradition we started last year to teach our kids about our faith and about giving rather than receiving).  Honestly, I wanted to pass on the party this year.  I kept thinking about the work involved, the food, decorations, cleaning before the party, cleaning after the party, etc. etc.  When I mentioned possibly skippping the party this year, I saw the disappointed look on my daughter’s face & decided the party would still be on.  It was worth the work.  I realized the party wasn’t for my benefit, and to see the look on all of those little people faces as they sang “Happy Birthday Jesus” was, well, priceless.  Then there was the decorating of our Christmas tree.  Admittingly, I suffer from some minor OCD, and I wanted our tree to be just perfect.  It also didn’t help that I had just attended a Christmas party and the tree looked like something right out of a Macy’s store.  As my kids placed all of the ornaments on the lower, right side of our tree (some on top of the others), I secretly cringed at my husband, wanting so desperately to move the ornaments around and make it just perfect.  Knowing exactly what I was thinking, he laughed hysterically as I kept my OCD in check and praised them as they decorated (this took a lot of restraint on my part).  When they were finished, my son exclaimed, “Yay!” excitedly.  My daughter said, “Isn’t it the most beautiful tree you ever saw?”   Deciding I needed to “edit” the words that came out of my mouth, I took a look at the tree and than realized my editing was no longer necessary.  It was just like they described.  I looked at my kids and said, “Yay, it is the most beautiful tree I ever did see.  It is exactly the way it should be.  It has character and its unique!”  My daughter and I than spent a weekend making our annual sugar cookies.  Usually I’m all about being neat, not using too much frosting…you get the idea.  I decided this time - no rules.  My daughter could let loose and let her artistic decorating ideas flow like crazy.  Boy did she!  We ended up with several cookies that had about a gallon of frosting and another gallon of sprinkles!  While they were very, very sweet, they were worth every bite.  Plus, I was rewarded at the end of the day when my girl told me that she had the Best Day ever with Me!  And not to mention my son was more partial to her Super-Frosting cookies than he was to mine - this took her to Cloud 9!  Recently, my daughter decided that she was going to write a letter to Santa.  I agreed knowing the pony she has been wanting, would of course be in this letter.  When she was finished with the letter she asked me to put it in the mail for Santa.  I asked to read it first.  She had “written” two letters. One from herself and one from her brother.  Instead of writing a letter she drew pictures on the card with her wishlist for Santa.  On her card was a rainbow, grass, and a smile.  On her brother’s card was the sun, flowers,  and another rainbow.  “This is what you want for Christmas?”, I asked.   She looked at me innocently and said, “Yes, mommy.  I love all these things.  Oh, I might want some stickers too.”  I immediately felt completely inferior to this little being who seemed to be the incarnate of Mother Teresa.  Where was my child?  Where was the “Dear Santa, Can I have a pony?”  Still shocked and on the verge of tears, I said, “Okay, let’s get these in the mail.”  She responded with, “Mommy, do you think Santa will give us these things?” Hmmm…how to answer this?  With my best spur of the moment response, I said, “Sweetheart, I know you will see all of this soon.  After the rain stops, we’ll look for your rainbow and the sunshine.  We’ll also look for the grass and the flowers.  The smile is pretty easy - each morning when Daddy & I see you and brother, the first thing we do is smile.  You are a lucky girl, not only do you have Santa, Mommy & Daddy who love you - but you have Jesus and Mother Nature too!”  She seemed pleased with my answer.  After about 5 minutes of staring at the cards in my hands, my daydream was interrupted with,  “MOMMY, BROTHER WON’T GIVE ME MY BOOK BACK!”   Incarnate of Mother Teresa now gone…my 5 year old is back…..

Happy Holidays to All of You!  May you experience the “joy” of Christmas through the eyes of a loved one!

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Recently our family adopted a dog.  And not just any dog, a 60 pound, 7 year old Boxer, named Flea.  My husband & I drove 2 hours to pick up Flea from his training camp on Saturday.  We had to meet with Flea’s trainers so that they could give us some training ourselves.  When I first met Flea, my first thought was, “I’m supposed to show him I’m the Alpha Male?  Me, a 5′1″, petite woman? ”  Flea even looked at me puzzled when the trainer handed me his leash.  As if he was thinking,  ”You’ve gotta to be kidding me, when did kids become the Alpha Male!”  Nonetheless, the trainer insisted I could do it and kept repeating to me that it was important I let Flea know who was boss - the alpha male.  And of course, my hubby nodded in agreement.  (I learned, Boxers, in particular, are very stubborn dogs…and Flea, being the old man he is, is set in his ways.  Thus, the importance of keeping with the training and letting him know who’s boss.)  Feeling how important it was and with the supervision of what seemed like 20 people, under the guidance of the trainer, I instructed Flea to “Sit”.  It took about 6-7 commands of my ”Sits” before Flea decided he would sit for me. (I think Flea threw me a bone, knowing I was under pressure.)  The trainer emphasized to me, “Never Let Him Win.  No Matter How Long It Takes.  He Never Wins.”  I was also instructed I needed to be “sterner” with my voice.  Eventually, we were able to bring Flea home.  For the past few days I’ve been repeating to myself the new mantra of  “He Never Wins” over and over again.  In doing so, I realized the same philosophy could be applied to children.  Often times, I am guilty of “giving in” because its much easier than the alternative.  With a new found energy and “Alpha Male syndrome”, I decided the “Never Let Him Win” mantra would not only be applied to Flea, but would also be applied to my kids (”Never Let Them Win”).  Of course, I had the opportunity to apply my new philosophy all too soon.  My almost 2 year old son & I went to Target to pick up some household necessities.  About 10 minutes into our shopping trip my son decided that the cart is no longer where he wanted to be and instead wanted out.  He held his arms out and repeatedly said ”Out, Peez” (Out, please).  Of course, I give in…but with instructions that he must hold my hand.  He reluctantly nods and gives me an almost silent  ”Kay” (okay)  and I let him down.  As you can probably guess, the handholding lasted about 10 seconds.  I soon found myself inpatient, frustrated, and  out of control as I listened to myself throughout the store saying, “Hold my hand.  Wait for mommy.  Where are you?  Get back here.”  Yes, those parents you see with their kids running wild in the stores - That was me.   I reminded myself of my new mantra, “He Never Wins.”  Yup, this was my time to show not the “Alpha Male” but the “Alpha Mommy”.  I pick up my son put him back in the cart & immediately he begins to scream at the top of his lungs.  I try to hold my composure as I smile at the “looky loos” gasping at us as they pass by and tell my son as calmly as I can that he was not listening to mommy so in the cart he had to go.  His howling continues and my patience is long gone.  “He Never Wins” is all I remind myself.  So, I grab my son & my purse and immediately head to the car.  The howling has stopped as my son realizes that something is up and mommy is not happy.  I put him in the car seat and don’t say a word, I see his eyes gazing right up at me and he sits silently as I start the car.  I drive away feeling proud of myself for holding true to my “He Never Wins” mantra…even giving myself a pat on the back.  But then suddenly, I realize I am still going to have to go back and do my shopping!  Darn It!  Who’s the Winner Now?  So much for the Alpha Mommy…

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My husband has a broken nose.  To make a long story short , we had a suprise party for a dear friend.  When you mix a pinata, a stick, and my hubby, what do you get?  Usually, lots of laughs and candy.  Well, in our case, all of the above, but also a broken nose.  Fortunately, a friend of ours happens to be a doctor and a Ear, Nose, & Throat doctor at that!  So - my hubby got all patched up and is feeling fine.  Looks like a raccoon, but is feeling fine.  The night of the party, my hubby & I lay in bed, laughing at the fact that a pinata caused his broken nose.  As luck would have it, my husband had to catch an early flight to New York in the morning for work.  Knowing people were going to wonder what happened to him, we decided that the people in NY wouldn’t know him anyway, so we could come up with “our own story” that maybe was a little more “machismo” a little more “heroic”.  So, here is how our conversation went:

Hubby:  “I could say it happened in sports.  I took one for the team.”

Me:  “Do you think that’s believable?” (Yikes…shouldn’t have said that.)  “Not that I don’t think you look like you play sports…but what kind were you thinking?”

Hubby:  “Basketball.  Someone could of elbowed me and broke my nose.”

Me:  “Hmm…you would of had to be hit pretty hard.  How would the elbow reach your nose?”

Hubby:  “Good Point.  Next story.”

Me:  “Just say we had a brawl.”

Hubby:  “Yeah, but if I look like this, they may be worried what you look like.  I know, I’ll say you are a body builder.”

Me:  “Why do I have to be so masculine in the story!”

Hubby:  “Well, it’s not really you.”

Me:  “Nah, I don’t like it.  It feels like me, even though it’s a story.  Besides, it’s so violent.  Next story.”

Hubby:  “Okay, 5 guys jumped me and this is the result.  Of course, I took them all down.”

Me:  “Yeah, they were trying to steal my purse and you defended me.”

Hubby:  “That might not be too believeable, we’ll say 2 guys.”

Me:  “Sounds perfect.  My hero, thanks for saving my purse!”

Lots of giggles and we go to bed.  The next day my hubby calls from his hotel room and I ask him if he had to tell “the story”. He says that he certainly got a lot of stares at the airport, but no one asked.  However, when he checked in with the “team” (for work), they asked immediately, “Dude, sorry but gotta ask, what happened to you?”.  In my hubby’s words, “ I started with ”the story” but then looked at their faces and saw the look of empathy & concern, and well…”     I say, “You told them about the pinata, huh?”  And he says, “Yeah.  Told them about the damn pinata.”  I tell him that he did the right thing, since he will be with them for a whole week, he doesn’t want to have to remember what story or details he said, as much as the truth didn’t seem so honorable, at least it was the truth.

Before we hang up, I tell him I love him and say, “One more thing, honey.  You could let them know it was a very BIG stick and it was very HEAVY.  Better yet, when you finish your story, you should say, You think my nose is bad, you should see what I did to the stick!”  He laughs and says, “Thanks for being on my pinata team.”

What a good sport he is….

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We survived our first week of Kindergarten.  While I would love to say to all of you that I was strong and didn’t shed a tear….well, that would be a complete fabrication.  In fact, I think the tears are still flowing.  Thankfully, many of my friends are in the exact same phase of their lives, so I have many who can relate to all that I have been feeling and it’s reassuring to know that I am not alone.   My husband, being the great guy he is, will always make me laugh as he sees the tears start to roll.  He always tells me, “Remember if God didn’t want you to be emotional, he wouldn’t have given you emotions, or he would have made you a Man.”  So, ladies (or men), feel free to Cry and Be Proud!!  I’ll keep this post short as I just wanted you all to know - we are done with Week 1, and it did get a little easier and less emotional each day.  On the 2nd day without me (I was allowed to spend the 1st day with my girl), my daughter showed what a big girl she was & proved she was ready to be a Kindergartener.  On about my 5th hug, and who knows how many kisses, she looked at my teary-eyed face and said, “Mommy, I will only be gone for a few hours, you’ll see, it won’t be too long.”  And with that she was off running around with all the other boys & girls….  I don’t when or how our roles changed, but she did make me feel much better.  She absolutely loves being in Kindergarten!  So, what more could I ask for?  Here’s hoping that all of you and your children had a great first week too!

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Summer is almost over and school will soon start for many, if it hasn’t already.  In my house, it’s the start of a new chapter.  My daughter will be starting Kindergarten, and while she is ecstatic and can’t wait until the first day, my husband and I have been dreading this day all summer.  It’s officially the beginning of the “Big Girl” stage…meaning our baby isn’t such a baby anymore.  While I am feeling sad, excited, anxious, worried, etc. about the start of Kindergarten, I am also looking forward to all the new experiences that she will soon have.  Even though I know there will be some sad times, some heartaches,  some stressful times, along with the happy times, I know that these experiences, whether good or bad, will help to shape her into the person she will become.   I also know that there will be many ”opportunities and choices”  in this new chapter.  We’ve done our best to mold her during these crucial first five years and hopefully instill in her the values we find important.  Now school will determine whether we did do our “best” or could have done “better”.  No longer will we be the only voice in our daughter’s mind…soon her mind will be filled with many other voices…. voices of teachers, peers, other students, and other adults, and most importantly, her own voice.  She will have to decide for herself, using her first 5 years as a guidance, on how she will use these “voices”.  Will she be a leader?  Will she be a follower?  Will she choose the “right thing”?  Will she be a good person?  All to be determined.  It’s just like reading a novel and we are on Chapter 1.  Of course, I do not underestimate the influence of parent involvement and I certainly don’t feel my job is over.  I intend to have a watchful eye over her as much as I possibly can and to be involved and available as much as I possibly can, but I’m also realistic and know that even with all of my involvement — there will be those moments.  Those moments when mommy & daddy are not right there to guide.  I can only hope (and pray) that she will do the “right” thing, even during those times when doing the “right” thing is harder than doing the “wrong thing”.  I hope this will be one of those moments in life when I look back 20 years from now and laugh at how I worried myself silly for nothing. For now, I watch my daughter as she excitedly prances around in her new school uniforms giving us a fashion show.  Her smile couldn’t be any bigger.  The chapter begins…

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Recently we moved and in the process of packing and unpacking, we managed to get rid of a lot of “stuff ” that we didn’t need.  It’s amazing how much “stuff” one can accumulate over time.  Perhaps its getting a year older or just plain getting wiser….I have started to get rid of a lot of the ”stuff” in my life and let me tell you….it feels good!  First, I started with the actual ”stuff” - old clothes, dishes, vases, etc.  Each time I unpacked an item I asked myself:  Do I want this?  Does it bring me joy?  Do I really need this?  I was amazed at how often times the answer was “NO!”.  Yes, even that size 2, suede skirt I was saving from high school was part of the “stuff” that I finally let go.  I then focused on other ”stuff” in my life that were bringing me down.  I let go of ‘bad” clients in my practice, and I was amazed at how reenergized and empowered I felt!  Next, I focused on the people in my life.  And much like the way I got rid of old clothes, I asked myself the same three questions above.  What I realized is that I, like probably some of you, have spent too much time devoting myself to people who brought me no joy and added no value to my life!  You know what I mean, the people you think are your friends, but you know that whenever there is an opportunity to say something negative about you, they don’t let it pass them by. The people who are more interested in what you do, who you know, rather than who you are.  The people who find it hard to say, “I’m happy for you” with sincerity.   Yes, we all have these people or this “stuff’ in our lives.  And no longer in my 20’s, I don’t feel the need to be friends with the “hip and cool crowd” any longer.  I want “genuine” people in my life and let’s face it, when people are trying to be hip & cool, they aren’t very genuine.  You want someone who appreciates you for “you” and all that you have to offer.  Knows your good points and your bad points, but knows they aren’t perfect either, and instead of focusing on the bad, values all the good in you.  Someone who will listen to what you have to say and not just what they want to hear.  Someone who may not always agree with your opinion or point of view but acknowledges that you do have a difference of opinion, and its still okay.  Someone who welcomes you into their life wholeheartedly, without reservations and/or jealousy.  Someone who calls just because they want to know how you are and to say hi.   I am still working on this last group of “stuff”, and yes, I admit, I was a little sad as my list of people I wanted in my life dwindled from 30 to 5, but I remind myself when I die, I don’t want to know that I had lots, and lots of acquaintances in life.  I want to know that I chose people in my life who were really good, genuine people that brought a lot of joy into my life.  Getting rid of this “stuff” is not an easy task, but it’ll sure make you feel good in the end.  I say this to my daughter and she argues her plea for needing “all” of her baby toys.  Reluctantly, she gives in. As we pack them in a box to deliver to Angelview, she says, “Mommy, you’re right.  I don’t need them and I don’t play with them anymore.”  “Good girl” I say, now let’s get rid of all this “stuff”.

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Our summer sure hasn’t worked out as planned.  It should be no surprise as when you “plan” something,  the plans usually tend to change, at least in my household.   We had a summer of “fun, fun, fun” planned and we were all looking forward to traveling and enjoying our time together.  Not that we haven’t been having fun or enjoying our time,  just not as we had imagined.  Our first “planned” fun, trip of the summer, was the trip to Grandma’s 100th Birthday in New Mexico. (Yes, 100!).  And if you keep up with my updates, than you all know that I stayed home to handle the paperwork for our “big move” while the rest of my gang took the trip.  It was painful, but fortunately, only a few days and we all managed to survive!  Next, our very good friends from the east coast were coming out to our sunny west coast & we had planned (months in advance) to meet up with them in San Diego and spend a week at the beach while we celebrated their son’s birthday.  Of course, as fate would have it, our ” big move”,which had been delayed a month at this point, just happened to take place the very same week!  We did manage to visit with them for a day though, and at Legoland, so all was not lost.  Then amidst all the unpacking and getting settled, we were supposed to be taking a ”planned” road trip (planned a year ago) to Colorado for our friends’ wedding.  Yes, a road trip, perfect thing to do when gas is about $50 a gallon….or whatever it is now.  Well, that didn’t quite work out as “planned” either.  My hubby and daughter flew out to Colorado this morning, while myself and our little guy stayed back home.   Yes, summer time, which should be slow, not very busy, has somehow managed to be my busiest time of the year!  It’s a bit unfair, yes,  and disappointing.  However, the funny thing through all of these changes to our “plans and fun”, and as disappointed as I was, if you had looked at my kids, you would had never known there had been any changes to our summer.  They managed to have “fun” no matter where we were or what we were doing.   Like the day our move was switched from a Friday to Monday and our beds were all “packed” away, so we had to make due and sleep on mattresses only.  My husband and I were frustrated with the whole situation and all it took was one glance at our kids to instantly change the mood.  They were laughing & giggling with blankets spread everywhere.  Sleeping on mattresses was not only “fun” but as my daughter said, “cool” too!  And when we took the kids to the Discovery Musuem instead of the beach b/c our plans had changed, I realized beach or museum, it really didn’t matter - they managed to have fun and were likely just as happy as they would have been at the beach.  Yes, kids have a way of making you realize that what you think is important really isn’t important at all.  In fact, my daughter offered to stay home with me instead of go to Colorado (even though she was excited about wearing her fancy, new dress) so that I wouldn’t be lonely.  So, I convinced her that her brother & I would be fine, and this was her “special trip” with daddy - to which she immediately perked up & stuffed her backpack full of stuff!  Seeing the excitement in her eyes as she realized that instead of this being a “trip”, it was a ”special trip” for her and daddy, well, it was all I needed to realize that even though my summer isn’t  quite going as “I” imagined or planned, her summer is better than she could have Ever Imagined.  I have to imagine my son’s summer is going pretty good too.  As he splashed me & giggled as I gave him his bath this evening, and then hugged me tight as I put him down to bed, and then as I was closing his door, I glanced his way and he gave me the biggest smile before he lay down his head.  I realized (as my heart melted), he doesn’t need fancy trips or vacations either to have fun.  None of us do.  Fun doesn’t happen because you plan something or go somewhere.  Fun happens because you allow yourself to have FUN.  So, now, go out and have some fun!!!

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