Traveling & Life With Kids

Recently we moved and in the process of packing and unpacking, we managed to get rid of a lot of “stuff ” that we didn’t need.  It’s amazing how much “stuff” one can accumulate over time.  Perhaps its getting a year older or just plain getting wiser….I have started to get rid of a lot of the ”stuff” in my life and let me tell you….it feels good!  First, I started with the actual ”stuff” - old clothes, dishes, vases, etc.  Each time I unpacked an item I asked myself:  Do I want this?  Does it bring me joy?  Do I really need this?  I was amazed at how often times the answer was “NO!”.  Yes, even that size 2, suede skirt I was saving from high school was part of the “stuff” that I finally let go.  I then focused on other ”stuff” in my life that were bringing me down.  I let go of ‘bad” clients in my practice, and I was amazed at how reenergized and empowered I felt!  Next, I focused on the people in my life.  And much like the way I got rid of old clothes, I asked myself the same three questions above.  What I realized is that I, like probably some of you, have spent too much time devoting myself to people who brought me no joy and added no value to my life!  You know what I mean, the people you think are your friends, but you know that whenever there is an opportunity to say something negative about you, they don’t let it pass them by. The people who are more interested in what you do, who you know, rather than who you are.  The people who find it hard to say, “I’m happy for you” with sincerity.   Yes, we all have these people or this “stuff’ in our lives.  And no longer in my 20’s, I don’t feel the need to be friends with the “hip and cool crowd” any longer.  I want “genuine” people in my life and let’s face it, when people are trying to be hip & cool, they aren’t very genuine.  You want someone who appreciates you for “you” and all that you have to offer.  Knows your good points and your bad points, but knows they aren’t perfect either, and instead of focusing on the bad, values all the good in you.  Someone who will listen to what you have to say and not just what they want to hear.  Someone who may not always agree with your opinion or point of view but acknowledges that you do have a difference of opinion, and its still okay.  Someone who welcomes you into their life wholeheartedly, without reservations and/or jealousy.  Someone who calls just because they want to know how you are and to say hi.   I am still working on this last group of “stuff”, and yes, I admit, I was a little sad as my list of people I wanted in my life dwindled from 30 to 5, but I remind myself when I die, I don’t want to know that I had lots, and lots of acquaintances in life.  I want to know that I chose people in my life who were really good, genuine people that brought a lot of joy into my life.  Getting rid of this “stuff” is not an easy task, but it’ll sure make you feel good in the end.  I say this to my daughter and she argues her plea for needing “all” of her baby toys.  Reluctantly, she gives in. As we pack them in a box to deliver to Angelview, she says, “Mommy, you’re right.  I don’t need them and I don’t play with them anymore.”  “Good girl” I say, now let’s get rid of all this “stuff”.

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Our summer sure hasn’t worked out as planned.  It should be no surprise as when you “plan” something,  the plans usually tend to change, at least in my household.   We had a summer of “fun, fun, fun” planned and we were all looking forward to traveling and enjoying our time together.  Not that we haven’t been having fun or enjoying our time,  just not as we had imagined.  Our first “planned” fun, trip of the summer, was the trip to Grandma’s 100th Birthday in New Mexico. (Yes, 100!).  And if you keep up with my updates, than you all know that I stayed home to handle the paperwork for our “big move” while the rest of my gang took the trip.  It was painful, but fortunately, only a few days and we all managed to survive!  Next, our very good friends from the east coast were coming out to our sunny west coast & we had planned (months in advance) to meet up with them in San Diego and spend a week at the beach while we celebrated their son’s birthday.  Of course, as fate would have it, our ” big move”,which had been delayed a month at this point, just happened to take place the very same week!  We did manage to visit with them for a day though, and at Legoland, so all was not lost.  Then amidst all the unpacking and getting settled, we were supposed to be taking a ”planned” road trip (planned a year ago) to Colorado for our friends’ wedding.  Yes, a road trip, perfect thing to do when gas is about $50 a gallon….or whatever it is now.  Well, that didn’t quite work out as “planned” either.  My hubby and daughter flew out to Colorado this morning, while myself and our little guy stayed back home.   Yes, summer time, which should be slow, not very busy, has somehow managed to be my busiest time of the year!  It’s a bit unfair, yes,  and disappointing.  However, the funny thing through all of these changes to our “plans and fun”, and as disappointed as I was, if you had looked at my kids, you would had never known there had been any changes to our summer.  They managed to have “fun” no matter where we were or what we were doing.   Like the day our move was switched from a Friday to Monday and our beds were all “packed” away, so we had to make due and sleep on mattresses only.  My husband and I were frustrated with the whole situation and all it took was one glance at our kids to instantly change the mood.  They were laughing & giggling with blankets spread everywhere.  Sleeping on mattresses was not only “fun” but as my daughter said, “cool” too!  And when we took the kids to the Discovery Musuem instead of the beach b/c our plans had changed, I realized beach or museum, it really didn’t matter - they managed to have fun and were likely just as happy as they would have been at the beach.  Yes, kids have a way of making you realize that what you think is important really isn’t important at all.  In fact, my daughter offered to stay home with me instead of go to Colorado (even though she was excited about wearing her fancy, new dress) so that I wouldn’t be lonely.  So, I convinced her that her brother & I would be fine, and this was her “special trip” with daddy - to which she immediately perked up & stuffed her backpack full of stuff!  Seeing the excitement in her eyes as she realized that instead of this being a “trip”, it was a ”special trip” for her and daddy, well, it was all I needed to realize that even though my summer isn’t  quite going as “I” imagined or planned, her summer is better than she could have Ever Imagined.  I have to imagine my son’s summer is going pretty good too.  As he splashed me & giggled as I gave him his bath this evening, and then hugged me tight as I put him down to bed, and then as I was closing his door, I glanced his way and he gave me the biggest smile before he lay down his head.  I realized (as my heart melted), he doesn’t need fancy trips or vacations either to have fun.  None of us do.  Fun doesn’t happen because you plan something or go somewhere.  Fun happens because you allow yourself to have FUN.  So, now, go out and have some fun!!!

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In about 5 hours I will be driving to the airport to pick up my gang!  Somehow I managed to make it through the 4 days they were gone.  Thanks to all of you for the calls & e-mails.  Special thanks to my girlfriends for the lunch date & pedi/mani treatment.  My tummy and toes thank you too!  Aside from trying to keep myself as busy as possible, it wasn’t always easy to get through the days.  I found myself in both of my kid’s rooms each day.  Sometimes cleaning or organizing, and other times just imagining that they were there playing.  Most days we end up on the rocking chair in my son’s room, both of them cuddled on my lap as we sing songs or read books, so the rocking chair was my place of comfort while they were gone.  Each day they called as promised.  The first day the kids showed no real signs of missing me — there were parties and family to visit!  By the second day, I was pleasantly suprised by 2 calls instead of 1.  My son was starting to show signs of missing me so my hubby wanted him to hear my voice.    By the 3rd day, I think the whole family was ready to come home.  While it sure felt good to know that they needed and missed me, it hurt a little more to know that they were hurting!  What had been getting me through the days was thinking of how much fun they were having & reassuring myself that when they started to miss me - they would be home!  It made me realize that while I was working to get through the days without them, they were doing the same!  This whole experience has been a learning one.  I’ve realized that if I didn’t have kids, I would probably be a well manicured, very put together, Size 2-4, person.  But, I would also be very unfulfilled, lonely, and unhappy.  So, I’ll settle for my unmanicured, somewhat pulled together (if I’m lucky), never going to be a Size 2-4 self!  If anything, at least my “self” is a very happy “self” and if I have to compromise my vanity for unconditional love from my family and lots of giggles — so be it!  Cheers to all of you who make sacrifices each and every day for your family.  I truly admire you.

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My husband and children left today for a 4 day trip to New Mexico.  I am staying home to take care of some many needed adminstrative details, as well as, catch up on some work.  While this trip has been scheduled for a few weeks now, I woke up this morning with knots in my tummy.  The achiness of being without my family for 4 days had suddenly occurred to me.  I tried every trick and persuasion that could come to mind to convince my daughter that she should stay home with me.  Ice Cream,  a trip to the toy store, watching a movie — none of my “tricks” worked.  She assured me that she would be back soon and that she loves me very much!  Knowing that she was  much “wiser” than her years let on….I then tried to persuade my hubby that our son would be better off staying with me.  “Think of the airport, the plane ride, his naps…..yada yada yada”…I went on.  Nope, didn’t work on my hubby either.  Their bags were packed & they were off!  It’s been about 5 hours since I dropped them off at the airport and I have had 3 girlfriends call me to make sure I was okay and to see how I was occupying my time.  (Thanks gals!)  I have assured them, “I’m very mature now (another +1 year added to my 30 something years this week), I will be okay…..my days are full, I’m going to clean this & organize that, etc. etc.”  I’m sure they all realize I am working hard to convince myself, more than them!  My family just phoned to tell me their plane landed and they are now “en route” to Nana and Grandpo’s house!  With promises to call each night and kisses shared through the phone…they were gone, again.  One of my girlfriends said I should be ECSTATIC!  She said, “4 Days without the Kids?  Can I pay your hubby to take mine too?”  She than started daydreaming about all the things she would do to occupy herself:  movies, shopping, pedicures, massage, sleeping……   I must admit, all of her ideas sound fabulous.  I do have a gift card I got for my bday to spend…  There is that movie I have been wanting to see….  My unpolished, dry feet could sure use a good rub…..  It has been awhile since I slept in past 7:00 a.m…….   Hmmmmmm………achiness is still there, but not so “achy” at the moment…..

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I have been asked time & time again, “Are you still doing the No-Meat thing?”  So, to all of my readers out there (all 3 of you), the answer is…..YES!  After almost 2 months, I am proud to say that we have not “fallen off the wagon yet!”  However, there seem to be a few people out there who just love to label us as vegetarians and then are quick to point out that they could do what we were doing if they ate fish too!  Let me just say, that I never said we were vegetarians.  I merely said, we were going to be non-meat eaters.  Before the die hard vegetarians/vegans out there want to “stone me”, I just wanted to make that clarification….and yes, we do eat shrimp and ocassionally, fish.  What does that make us……. ”pescatarians?”.  I have no idea & it really doesn’t matter.  We are not doing this for anyone but ourselves.   Now, let me get to the next question we are often asked, “Have you lost any weight?”  Hmmm….we didn’t do this to lose weight, although, I am starting to notice that people seem to think if you don’t eat burgers & steaks anymore it must be b/c you want lose a few pounds.  Although, I certainly wouldn’t mind that ….it was not the reason for our change.   But, NO, we did not lose weight.  Unfortunately, to make up for the lack of “meat”, we made up for it by adding bread, cheese, pasta……yup……no weight loss here!  Obviously, our next step is to try and be “healthier non-meat” eaters.  Many vegetarians and vegans will tell you that it took anywhere from a few years to 10 years to become veggies!  It takes time because it is not easy to switch “cold turkey” (we are learning as we go along).  I would recommend to anyone wanting to make a switch to do it gradually.  Maybe give up beef for a few weeks, then pork, etc.  The third question I am often asked, “Where do you get your protein?”.  My answer is usually this:  soy, tofu, tempeh, beans, cheese, milk, etc.  Usually people than realize that “protein” does not = “meat”.  So, yes, we are chugging along & taking it in stride, but I must admit, I do have the occassional craving!  Especially around that time mother nature plays her visit!  I quickly remind myself that by not eating meat I am not only saving an animal’s life, but the environment too!  I have flashes of the “infamous” video I watched….and tofu starts sounding pretty good.  The kids have done great….they really haven’t noticed a change.  We filled our fridge with soy dogs, tofurkey, non-nuggets, smart ground, etc. and they are none the wiser!  I am quick to point out to them though that they are not eating meat.  I don’t want to give them mixed messages.  My daughter is probably the glue that keeps us together in this crusade.  If my husband says, “Chicken enchiladas sound good right now”, my daughter is quick to respond with, “Daddy, we are saving the animals!”  To which he’ll reply, “Cheese enchiladas it is!”  We take it day by day….some days are harder than others…but we’re doing it.

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What do you do when you live in the desert and it’s a 100+ degrees outside?  Chances are you spend a lot of time in the pool, if you are fortunate to have one.  Yes, I said “fortunate”.  Us “desert folk” are so accustomed to having pools, that it is only until we converse with people who don’t live in the desert that we realize a pool is a “luxury” not everybody has.  The past 3 days our desert has reached the 100’s in temperature.  A gentle reminder to us that our beautiful weather is passing us by and the heat will soon be here.  Like many, we have spent the past 3 days swimming and playing in the pool, followed by long naps afterwards.  Ahhh…what a life, huh?  It’s easy to lose one’s sense of humbleness when you live in an area like Palm Springs.  It’s a very black and white society between the “Have’s” and the “Have Nots”.  So much energy is spent on what we wish we had and what we don’t have, rather than focusing and being thankful for what we do!  My husband and I come from very humble beginnings.  We know the hard work it takes to create a dollar and we are probably what some would call “frugal” at times.  As I was cleaning out old files recently, I came across an old bank statement from 1995.  We had exactly $145.22 in our bank account.  I glanced through our check register and saw that at times, we would be down to $20.  We would probably have been considered “poor”, I’m sure.  Yet, we never knew it. We didn’t have a pool, we didn’t have a house.  In fact, we lived in a litte one bedroom apartment (now called a studio) in Texas….and we were happy.  If you were to ask me then if I would ever have my own swimming pool, I probably would have replied with, “People actually have their own?”  Now I look around and see all this “stuff” we have accumulated and wonder how it will affect my children.  We do our best to teach them that it is better to give than to receive, but let’s face it….kids have it really good these days.  I have to wonder how good of a job we are really doing, especially when my daughter asks when is the next time we are going to Disneyland.  I, like many, want to provide for my children and give them a better life than I had.  In doing so, I have to wonder if I am doing more bad than good.  I am very sensible when it comes to money and I don’t live beyond my means.  But I don’t think these are attributes I was born with.  They are attributes I acquired through my experience as a child.  So, I definitely wonder, what types of attributes my children will learn through their experience.  I can only hope and try.  I’ve heard the best teacher leads through example, so that is what we are trying to do.  As we splashed around in the pool today, I took the time and as a gentle reminder said to everyone, “Geez, having a pool is so much fun.  We sure are lucky to have one, because not everyone does.”  My daughter than said, “Mommy, we should invite all the people that don’t have one to swim in our pool!”  And with that, I suddenly felt at ease.   The future looks bright…….and humble……   

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Some good friends of ours recently told us about “The First Tee” of Coachella Valley, a golf class for the little ones.  They have had their daughter enrolled for a few weeks and raved so much about the class that we decided to enroll our daughter and give it a try too!  I wasn’t too sure how my daughter would take to a “golf class”….I mean, I find it kinda boring (sorry, to any golfers out there), however, to our surprise (and delight) she was enthralled with the “Coach” (a very enthusiastic, sweet gal, who I learned has played on the “the tour”) and absolutely enjoyed herself!  My husband (an avid golf lover) was, of course, beside himself and was already saying “Move over Nancy Lopez!” (I just learned myself that Nancy Lopez is one of the best female golfers.).   Not being a golf enthusiast myself, I must admit that I too was excited that my daughter has discovered a new “joy” and I was quite impressed with her willingness to try something new that she knew absolutely nothing about.  Also, I think it will be great that my daughter and husband have something speical for just them to share together!  In addition to the really great staff at The First Tee (located in Palm Desert), another big plus is that with the yearly membership dues ($100), the children can visit The First Tee at anytime and hit some practice balls on their little 3 par course.  The classes are held early Saturday mornings and although  I wasn’t too thrilled with having to get up so early on a Saturday morning, it gets us out of our pajamas earlier than noon (a definite plus), and since the class only lasts one hour, the whole day is still left to enjoy & relax!  The First Tee just opened in January 2008 and I have no doubt that once our valley residents start to learn about it, we will have many little golf enthusiasts here in the desert.  Here is a pic of our “new little golfer!”

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We’ve all heard about or experienced the dreaded terrible two’s right?  We were fortunate with my daughter that the terrible two’s never came.  We waited anxiously when the three’s came expecting them to rear their ugly head……fortunately, they didn’t.  We internally thought, ”thank goodness” as we witnessed other 2 and 3 years old stamping their feet with red faces and screaming in defiance, as their parents looked helpless feeling defeated trying any means to get them to stop.   Yes, our daughter was very easy during those toddler years.  We were fortunate, we know.  However we weren’t let off that hook that easy.  Our son is definitely making up for our daughter’s lack of defiance.  At only 14 months old, my husband and I often look at eachother baffled that at this age he has no problem letting the world know when he is not happy.  It’s suprising, because as an infant he was very calm and mellow.  I think now that all those times we were gazing into eachother’s eyes he was trying to tell me, ”Just you wait mommy…..”.  This may come to a surprise to many of our friends.  In fact, they probably don’t believe me.  We’ve had many play and lunch dates and he has been a happy go-lucky 1 year old.  Yes, he saves his “vibrant, spirited, determined” little self for us at home.  While we’ve never had to deal with these little outbursts of tantrums with our daughter, this is all very new to us.  To see our son go from his charming, happy self to an episode from the exorcist, all in an instant, is well, shocking!  I never knew his little body could be so flexible during those times of frustration, but, he has a backbend like I’ve never seen before!  I definitely know the helplessness feeling now.  Yes, I’ve read the books, I know the distraction technique,  time out, etc. etc.  But, usually, my husband and I just stop and watch in fascination with it all.  We usually look at one another and than very quickly say, “he got this from you!”  Then we burst out laughing, because well, its probably the only thing from preventing us from breaking out into tears……and that typically changes the mood because my son will stop baffled at our reaction.  Afterall, that’s why our children act defiantly, for our reaction, right?  Yesterday I had the pleasure of experiencing a little “outburst” alone.  I didn’t have my husband to help feed off of and I would have felt downright silly laughing to myself….so I did try somewhat of a distraction technique.  Although, I must admit, at the time I didn’t think of it as a distraction technique. Instead I thought, “I am going to take pictures for his scrap book, so that when he gets older, he can see how silly he used to be.”  At first he ignored me as I clicked away, and then he stopped, interested.  Then his frown turned upside down instantly as it became a game!  I then had my happy, go-lucky, baby boy back.  The only problem is, now I have to take my camera with me eveywhere! :0)  For all you mommys and daddys dealing with toddlers, hang in there.  If anything, remind yourself You Are Not Alone in this adventure!  And then break out the camera too!  For your viewing pleasure, a few pics from this experience……

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A few days ago when I wrote the post about “Going Green” in our home, I expected to make small changes like, using cloth napkins instead of paper, stop buying bottled water, etc.  Life would go one….easy, breezy.  What I didn’t expect was to inquire a wealth of knowledge on plastics, chemicals, meat, soy, etc. etc.  I was to say the least, overwhelmed!  There is so much truth to the old saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”  How content I used to be using my coconut body wash, and lathering myself in coconut body lotion and then enjoying a delicious breakfast with ham and eggs on my “easy-clean up” paper plates.  That was last week!  The past few days I find myself reading ingredients on everything from household cleaning products, to my lotion, to our food!  It was during this ”research” time I found myself on the website www.goveg.com.  I then found myself viewing an undercover investigation on a farm factory (aka “slaugherhouse).  I will spare the details, as the images are still very vivid in my mind and will just say, that I was in complete tears afterwards and the very thought of meat made me sick to my stomach.  I grew up on meat & potatoes.  Meat has been a staple in our nightly dinners.  Until I viewed that investigative report, I had never really thought about how we got our meat.   Somehow, I managed to never think about it or I imagined that the cows were eating green grass and enjoying the sunshine until their time was up.  I was so naive.  The thought of being a vegetarian never entered my mind and I don’t think I have earned the right to say that I am just yet.  However, for the past three days our family has given up meat and will continue to do so.  I expected the kids and my husband to protest loudly and say that I had gone insane.  My husband watched the video too & that was all he needed to join me in our new “no more meat” venture.  My daughter asked a lot of questions, and not wanting to go into details we simply told her we were trying something new.  My son, well, at only 1 and with only 4 teeth on him…he wasn’t quite chowing down on steak yet anyways.   I expected the transition to be rather difficult, and while it has only been a few days, the transition has been rather easy.  The day we decided to “forego” the meat, I went online and printed tons of vegeterian recipes so that we would be well prepared.  The food has been quite tasty, although my son refused to eat beans! (We are still trying though).  Today we ventured out to lunch at one of our old favorite restaurants and when they asked my daughter what she wanted on her pizza, she proudly said, “Cheese only, I don’t eat pepperoni anymore!”   I am sure that we will have many people who will question this change and there will be people who will disagree.  We don’t expect people to change just because we have.  It’s a personal choice.  A choice that I am very proud we made together as a family.  Of course, it is only the end of Day 3………..we’ll touch this subject again on Day 30.  However, so far, so good.   

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I had coffee this morning with one of my favorite girlfriends.  With our sons in tow, we drank our “Starbucks”, and found ourselves discussing the environment and the whole “green” thing.  My friend told me about this great website called www.cosmeticsdatabase.com.  On this website you can type in a brand of product, such as Johnson & Johnson, Maybelline, etc.  You will get a load of valuable information such as if the product is environmentally friendly or harmful, if the company does animal testing, and most importantly if the chemicals used in their products contain toxins that are harmful to our bodies!  I was so surprised to find out that many of our “trusted brands” contain many harmful chemicals and they test their products on animals!  I have been using “Aveeno” since I had my daugher 4 1/2 years ago and was surprised to see that not only do they test on animals, but their products also contain many of the “yucky toxins’” that are hazardous to our bodies and the environment.  As a family we do “little” things to try and do our share of keeping our world green.  We recycle, we limit our use of paper goods, we buy energy star appliances, etc. ,etc.  After seeing the information available on this website, I now know that I need to take a more “pro-active” approach to living Green.  I don’t mean turning into a ”hippie-vegan-hemp” wearing person (no offense to any of you who might fit that description), but I will now start to read those labels a little more carefully to see exactly what I am putting on my little ones.  Using the organic, non-toxic, eco-friendly, no animal products type of products may cost me a little more in my wallet, but it sure does give me peace of mind knowing that I’m using the best choice available for my babies.  I mean if we can spend ridiculous amounts of money on handbags, designer jeans, and even sunglasses…..than spending a few extra dollars for better products for our children and us, should be worth it right?  Darn, right!  I’m repeating this to myself as I review my $50 order for 2-eight ounce bottles of organic baby shampoo……………I’m also saying:  “It’s for the kids, It’s for the kids, It’s for the kids.”  Okay, so I ended up not placing the order….not because I don’t think its worth it, but because my very wise girlfriend told me to “hold the submit key” and check out Trader Joes or Clarks first…..so that’s what I’m going to do (Thanks M!).  So, whether we’ll be washing our hair with $50 shampoo or something less expensive….at least we’ll know its good for us. :0)  I’ll keep you posted…..

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